I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
