I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
