so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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