I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
