If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Holy shit dude........stairs
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