Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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