I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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