You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
