I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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