this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
