i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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