a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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