I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
