my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
