everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
