If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize