i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
