I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
