So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Alive.
So much puke
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
