Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
