Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
pray to the hookup gods
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
