The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Found the puke drawer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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