"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
