don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
