i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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