I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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