how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
