my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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