ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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