I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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