I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize