I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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