I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
