I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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