I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
