She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
