Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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