I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
