the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
