just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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