she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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