He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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