I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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