haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize