My girlfriend figured out who you are.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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