I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
