TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
