If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
