I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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