My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize