tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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