The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
