woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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