it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
