i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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