Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
