i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
