How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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