Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
