I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
