Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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