Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
