just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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