At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
