Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
