R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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