i permit you to call me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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