Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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