thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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