I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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