Got a toothbrush?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
