I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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