I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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