i permit you to call me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
