You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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