Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
