Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
