I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
