Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
