You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
