Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
