My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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