don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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