my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
