wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
