and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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