Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
