party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
