I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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