East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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